At last, a magazine we won't see in dental offices

I've been informed my humor column in Northern Arizona's Mountain Living Magazine is being, um, redacted at the end of the year. So I'm starting to shop it around, perhaps to publications that don't even appear in the "Free: Take One" rack in the foyer of the International House of Pancakes next to the real estate listings.

So it was with some excitement that I ran across news of the latest addition to the magazine world. More informative than Highlights for Children, glossier than Reader's Digest, more unsual than Cigar Aficionado, targeting a smaller niche than Modern Ferret... it's Professional Sports Wives Magazine! Finally we have, as the magazine's statement of purpose puts it, a magazine "designed to fill a huge void that has never been addressed, and satisfies the needs of professional sports wives to be informed and entertained."

I think we can all agree that there are few opportunities for professional sports wives to be informed and entertained, aside from the few outlets that the rest of us have access to (newspapers, TV, radio, CDs, movies, other magazines) and the ones that professional athletes can afford (home theater systems, Lincoln Navigators, private rooms at night clubs, everything else), so it's probably a good thing that this underserved minority finally gets its own magazine.

In the premiere issue, for example, we learn that pro sports wives not only now have their own magazine, but have their own holiday. Starting in 2006, Pro Sports Wives Day will be celebrated each February 11th, in honor of their "public service in the estimated $213 billion-dollar professional sports entertainment industry."

This, of course adds another opportunity for this group to be entertained: Humorous greeting cards. I'm envisioning a card with a picture of President Bush on the cover and a message along the lines of "When I traded Sammy Sosa to the White Sox in 1989..." (and inside)"...I forgot his wife was the player to be named later. Happy Pro Sports Wives Day!" These cards would be available at select high-end retailers at a cost of $375 each.

We also learn that former baseball star Terry Pendleton and his wife have remained married for 21 years thanks to their faith, commitment to each other, and their three kids - definitely an insight we could not have gleaned from a profile in, say, every other sports magazine ever published.

I shouldn't be too hard on Professional Sports Wives Magazine. Their target audience does have some unique challenges that the readers of Public Radio Wives Magazine don't - largely in the areas of "celebrities throwing themselves at your husband", "how to support your hubby when he's on waivers", and "who to call when your 75-inch high-definition TV is on the fritz". And perhaps future volumes of PSWM will address these issues. And perhaps they'll bring the husbands of WNBA players into the fold, as I would imagine they're an even more over-looked interest group.

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to writing for the premiere issue of Amateur Sports Wives Magazine, which will tackle such hard-hitting topics as "Which portion of the meal do you throw at your husband when he's preoccupied by the scrolling scores on the restaurant TV", and "Can your spouse legitimately wear the t-shirt from a road race 5 years ago at which he worked at the registration table?"