At least there was no MSG

I was on a job interview recently. We won't go into the details at this particular point in time, save for one key experience -- which we'll file under the category of "Why it's a Bad Idea to Go Out for Chinese Food on a Job Interview". The meal was great: No Szechuan beef on my tie. No hot-and-sour soup on my white shirt. The fortune cookies show up. My fortune:

A MODEST MAN SPEAKS LITTLE OF HIMSELF

Great. Next time, I'm having Chinese food for breakfast before the interview.

On the upside, the lucky numbers on the back of the fortune won me 53 trillion dollars in the Megabucks lottery. And I was able to use the Chinese word for "oyster" (conveniently translated below the lucky numbers) to impress the waiter when he picked up the check.